Ten Days 'til we Jump!

I found this letter I wrote to Chris while virtually rummaging through a bunch of old writings this evening. It rings true still, so I thought it couldn't hurt to reiterate my feelings. But what really struck me was the very last line of the letter...

* * *

December, 2005

Dear Chris,

I have not the money - nor the energetic resources - to do gift-giving for this year's holidays. As you know, my mom's passing was soon-to-be one yearago New Year's Eve. This year, merely surviving the holidays will be difficult, much lesstrying to be truly involved in them.

Since I cannot give you a gift for x-mas, I want to tell you about the gift you have given me. It may seem like I am always happy, and have not a care in the world. You may not realize that when I am by myself, and a shadow moves a certain way across my floor, orsome particular memory of my childhood strikes my heart like lightning, I am overcomeby tidal waves of unforgiving grief, and nearly suffocated by the pain of missing mysweet mom. I realize the finality of her physical absence over and over again - still - and the "news" drowns me in deep sorrow every time it replays in my consciousness.

I came to Hawaii to move from this depth of grieving to the same heights of healing. It'slike I've told you, I came here to play, to be immersed in the overwhelming beauty of this environment, to swim in the ocean every day, to learn to ride waves...to find joy and fun(and whales and dolphins) as medicine to soothe a severely broken spirit.

You probably don't know this, but you have been helping me heal. You have been an integral part of my process of learning to enjoy life again. I love and appreciate the light-heartedness, the adventure, the exploration, and the exposure to new places and activities that I have found through my times with you.

Although you did not know my mom in the literal, physical sense, you are getting to know heras you get to know me. She was the most beautiful, alive, joyful, playful, strong, and amazing woman/person/mother there ever was or could be. She would have loved you;and believe me, from her post as an angel now, she THANKS you - for being my friend. She would say - as do I believe - that people come into our lives at certain times for specificreasons. You have come into my life at a very important time of growth and change.So we must be meant to have the good times we are having!

I know you like poetry..so I have included some of both my mom's poetry and my own. I hope you enjoy reading it. I wish you and your family - the animals included -a very joyous holiday season. Can't wait to see what new experiences the new year brings!...Skydiving anyone??