Ten Days 'til we Jump!

I found this letter I wrote to Chris while virtually rummaging through a bunch of old writings this evening. It rings true still, so I thought it couldn't hurt to reiterate my feelings. But what really struck me was the very last line of the letter...

* * *

December, 2005

Dear Chris,

I have not the money - nor the energetic resources - to do gift-giving for this year's holidays. As you know, my mom's passing was soon-to-be one yearago New Year's Eve. This year, merely surviving the holidays will be difficult, much lesstrying to be truly involved in them.

Since I cannot give you a gift for x-mas, I want to tell you about the gift you have given me. It may seem like I am always happy, and have not a care in the world. You may not realize that when I am by myself, and a shadow moves a certain way across my floor, orsome particular memory of my childhood strikes my heart like lightning, I am overcomeby tidal waves of unforgiving grief, and nearly suffocated by the pain of missing mysweet mom. I realize the finality of her physical absence over and over again - still - and the "news" drowns me in deep sorrow every time it replays in my consciousness.

I came to Hawaii to move from this depth of grieving to the same heights of healing. It'slike I've told you, I came here to play, to be immersed in the overwhelming beauty of this environment, to swim in the ocean every day, to learn to ride waves...to find joy and fun(and whales and dolphins) as medicine to soothe a severely broken spirit.

You probably don't know this, but you have been helping me heal. You have been an integral part of my process of learning to enjoy life again. I love and appreciate the light-heartedness, the adventure, the exploration, and the exposure to new places and activities that I have found through my times with you.

Although you did not know my mom in the literal, physical sense, you are getting to know heras you get to know me. She was the most beautiful, alive, joyful, playful, strong, and amazing woman/person/mother there ever was or could be. She would have loved you;and believe me, from her post as an angel now, she THANKS you - for being my friend. She would say - as do I believe - that people come into our lives at certain times for specificreasons. You have come into my life at a very important time of growth and change.So we must be meant to have the good times we are having!

I know you like poetry..so I have included some of both my mom's poetry and my own. I hope you enjoy reading it. I wish you and your family - the animals included -a very joyous holiday season. Can't wait to see what new experiences the new year brings!...Skydiving anyone??

I Loved Our Day!

Vast plains of black sand meet
Perfectly-arching waves
that crash harmoniously
Forever into themselves

A loyal dog trots beside her favorite boy
Hamstring stretches ready us for the next leg.
The three of us take flight over a
long trail stretching back into the Valley

On a day saturated with warmth
We press on
Toward the majestic calling
of falls cascading into
Holes full of cold
that beckon: Refreshing

Stripped down to bathing suits
No use now for shoes
Mud and sand and leaf debris caked
onto our sweat-speckled skin
The sun dawns on our faces
Kissing them darkly cinammon

We dive and we climb
and attempt gripping onto
clusters of rock covered in slime
fit only for slipping

Swimming laps accross organic pools
Scaling valley walls thanks to climbing ropes
previously set in place
And the natural foot and hand-holds
of twisted jungly limbs

We ascend ever higher
Up the rungs of Waipio's
Glorious waterfall ladder

WE ARE ALIVE!

Next we hit Honoka'a town
and the greasy spoons
and forks of Blaine's Drive-In
for a hard-earned lunch
of fried this and fried that

Then to the park,
where the dog slides down
the curly-cue plastic winder,
Whining and delighting
like an elated toddler, with Chris or I
always right behind her.

She repeatedly surfaces atop playground structures,
barking, "Let's go again! Woof!"
I flash on the sacred rite that will come
In watching my own children discover the
thrill of new experiences...
growing to LOVE LIFE and
LOVE LIVING.

Chris and I split at the park,
He back to Hilo, and I across the street to
My friends' new coffee shop in Honoka'a,
Which they've named "Feel My Bean".

I enjoy fresh-brewed
Iced Kona coffee and conversation
With my beautiful friend, Olla,
who is working her tail off for this labor of love.

Apparently there has been "controversy"
Over the name of the cafe:
Conservative locals don't appreciate the perceived "implications"...
Olla is fighting these malignant voices
with the strongest element in the Universe: Something Soft but deeply True.
Her response to the outcry over her cafe's name:

What does it mean to feel the bean?
There is a different answer for every person. But I can tell you how i came up with the name. For me a good cup of coffee has more than a taste...more than a smell...more than a look...It has the essence of Love, which can only be experienced with the heart and soul. Through our name we are asking you to "Feel" the bean, not just drink the coffee. I hope that you can experience the essence of "Feel my Bean" and the love that it holds for you. With all my blessings, I look forward to selling you something that will brighten your day. Aloha...Olla.