As I was going through my photo box earlier, I found a picture of my family's trip to Yellowstone National Park. I was seventeen. This photo was of Mom and Dad on a bridge, above a rushing river. Dad had his arm up on the rail behind him, and Mom had her arm over his, her hand on top of his hand. Alluding - I am sure - to both the river's endless flow, and their co-creation in the divine rite of parenthood, Mom had written the caption"THE RENEWAL OF LIFE IS CONSTANT".
An hour or so ago, I was playing with my camera, taking photos of candle flames, and manipulating the images in photo shop. By the time I was finished, I had come up with some pretty bizarre images. White birds and faces seem ingrained in my surroundings - in clouds and flying through valleys, as well as in candle light flickers.
At any rate, LIGHT tends to be an overwhelming theme these days. And of course, it makes sense, because MOM'S mantra involved the LIGHTNESS of BEINGS, and the ETERNAL LIGHT of DIVINE LOVE. One of her favorite movies was "Return to the Light", with Shirley Maclaine. She used the word LIGHT in many of her writings and songs. She EXUDED light. She WAS light. And she IS the brightest light of all now...
* * *
I had a dream a week ago, in which I could actually SEE my MOM. In any dreams I have had of her, she has always been cloaked in some kind of mystery, enshrouded in shadows; obscured by the darkness of our physical disconnection. But in this dream, we met "in form", on some common plane between those where she and I exist separately: between the physical world and the metaphysical one.
I was holding my Dad's hand, walking slowly toward her. I was afraid she was an apparition, a mirage, and would disappear or morph into something else as soon as I got near enough to touch her. She was wearing white, her red hair shiny and bright. Her eyes and skin were radiantly glowing, and she was smiling, beckoning me toward her. I cried, and was almost afraid to let go of Dad's hand. He encouraged me to go to her.
I approached, and she wrapped her arms around me. She embraced me. She held me and rocked me. My tears vaporized as they poured out, rising. I communicated to her that there is just so much pain in my longing for her; so much life to tell her about; so much time we were robbed of spending together. So much...too much...It hurt so much...so very much.
She held me and held me, and I knew we had very limited time. And she whispered in my ear, with her gentle and loving voice,
"BRING IT HOME WITH YOU WHEN YOU COME"...
I believe that a Loving God allowed our meeting. It was as if she was able to "slow down" enough, while I was able to "speed up" enough, so that we vibrated at the same rate, on the same frequency or wavelength, for just long enough to exchange our love in what seemed and felt like a "physical" way. It was as if her uncontained, naked spirit was "redressed" in the clothing of her body form, just briefly, so that I could SEE her with my limited brand of perception. She wanted me to know that when I COME HOME, she will be there. Just as she was there when I CAME HOME, into this world, as a child from her womb.
* * *
A couple of nights ago, I told Star about this dream. In response, she brought up the movie CONTACT - one of Mom's all-time favorites - with Jodie Foster. Specifically, she brought up a scene in which Jodie's character "meets up" with her deceased father's spirit on a beach, and they have a conversation...
Later on, I was restless in bed, unable to fall asleep. I couldn't be calm, couldn't stop biting my nails and cuticles. Couldn't relax. So I turned on my lamp and pulled out the book I just started reading, called THE AFTERLIFE EXPERIMENTS (Breakthrough Scientific Evidence of Life After Death). I opened to the page and section where I had left off:
SOME THINGS ARE FOREVER.
In this section the author, a renown scientist and prior professor at both Harvard and Yale, talks about the fact that STARLIGHT travels into space eternally. His "Living Soul Hypothesis" posits that it makes logical sense to assume then, that the LIGHT ENERGY of our souls - of our lives lived, of WHO we ARE - should behave the same way, follow the same physical laws. The author, Gary Shwartz, holds stars' light as evidence of IMMORTALITY.
The following section of the book was titled: BUT SOME THINGS ARE HARD TO PROVE".
He is referring to the survival of consciousness after death of the physical body; but references the movie CONTACT (!!!!)...specifically that Jodie Foster's character, a scientist, needs hard and fast EVIDENCE of something's validity and truth in order to BELIEVE its reality.
Another character asks her the question, "Do you LOVE your father"? She says "Of course I do". And he says, "PROVE IT". In other words, we don't need scientific evidence to prove to ourselves that LOVE is real. It is something we KNOW in our SOULS, and experience the reality of in the depths of ourselves. The author alludes to LOVE, and the survival of life after physical death, as being analogous. BOTH of these things are FOREVER. In other words, the LIGHT OF LOVE is ETERNAL...Mom's message for certain.
* * *
After reading those two sections of the book, I pulled out a collection of Moms writings, which she gave me for Christmas a few years ago. I "randomly" opened up to a poem she write called "WATER SPEAKS"...and we return to the photo of her and Dad holding hands with the wild river behind their union...
WATER SPEAKS, by Geneva Canady
In sensous giggles and gurgles lapping over smoothly worn stones
Water speaks of the ancient Earth and the ones born of the "fluid-space"
Where neither Man nor time can make a difference For water moves at its own pace...
It speaks to us from amniotic echoes ringing and tingling into the core of us The body within the Soul suspended in a silent and magical place Where only BEING is the work at hand And each moment brings its own embrace...
Water holds the heart...surrendering the beat with a great, vibrant voice The pulsing swishing sound is gone without a trace Until the next cascading wave is whispered From deep within the contstant race...
Water holds the planet in quiet,, raging hands with fingers gnarled and bent Reaching out in liquid form to caress the universal face While, all the while, she seeks her path, the avenues, Finding no boundaries to erase
Water offers us an ear and will take all that which is offered From birth into infinity she holds the ace Eyes offer droplets, seas offer ETERNITY, rivers offer freely, bodies offer life When we become the waterfall, we offer God's own GRACE...
* * *
I then opened to a "story" Mom wrote called THE SECRET LIFE of a FEELING. As I read it, I wept - as if touched inside some deep, raw, hidden, pure place, where I KNOW that she is, in fact, HERE. That place inside is where some part of me KNOWS much more than I am consciously READY to know now. That place can almost FATHOM the GRANDIOSITY of LIFE. I - as a small human being - nearly crumble under the power created by the wake of the mere thought...In this piece, Mom talks about her own journey in the dreamstate, in which she faced herself, in the mirrors of many past lifetimes. Thinking of my own dream, and the reference to LOVE (especially that between parents and children - between her and me) being CONSTANT and ETERNAL from the movie CONTACT, I read on and was chilled at how strongly I felt Mom's voice interjecting and intertwining with all of these intricately-interwoven messages. What I took away, and fell asleep holding tightly...that the bond between Mom and me IS ALIVE and continuously growing and reforming. It will ALWAYS BE, regardless of our physical bodies' demise, and in fact, will only expand as it travels on FOREVER.
I will provide exerpts here from her writing...
THE SECRET LIFE OF A FEELING, by Geneva Canady
...Born of a culmination of all time and a DREAM that has not yet been created. Within the realm of SPACE IN BETWEEN, this feeling has taken on a life of its own...
...How a feeling comes to the "END OF ITS LIFE" and transcends into the next dimension of itself...
...There is no mystery as to why it happens, or any doubt that it will continue to happen into infinity. Indeed, feelings have been born and lived and died (transformed) since the first spark of LIGHT ignited the first thought in the first mind of the first being ever created...
...It is my desire to offer an opportunity to expand awareness as to the depth of being human and to encourage us all to seek the oneness with the Spirit we truly are...
...last night as I was preparing to put my body to bed...I held on to a desire to dream...
...this particular feeling, however, did not seem to originate from me. It is as though the ANGELS themselves had WHISPERED INTO MY INNER EAR...offering me a gift...
...what transpired within that DREAMSTATE has served to become a BEACON OF LIGHT...a friend and teacher (what Mom is to me, and to so many) to my desire to know my place in the universal SPACE BETWEEN TIME and FANTASY...
...I remember the sensation of floating into this dream...I distinctly heard the sound of strong WINGS in between my own shallow breaths...I knew I WAS IN THE ARMS OF PEACE, somewhere that I had not been in a very long time...
...I soon realized that it was not just a dream, but a journey in which I was fully awake, more like a GUIDED VISION...
...This night, my fear was brushed away by the hand of God. This night, I was safe...
...I crossed over the threshold and found myself in a great hall of mirrors...the images suddenly became the faces of those I had passed earlier in the dream...
...I approached to stand before the image of an old woman. She was weathered by the sun but her eyes said that she had not ever been beaten down by anything. The strength that shone from deep within her was matched only by the courage she wore on her again face. She was beautiful!...As our eyes met, an inner knowing enveloped me and we blended into one...
...Peonies must be the flowers that grow in Heaven!...
...I gently picked up the mirror and held it up to my face. I saw my face...my own face this time. I looked different though. My skin was bright and pink like the flowers, my hair was strong and full and flowing out behind me, tickling the air around me, and I WAS HAPPY! I could have stayed there in that spot FOREVER...And maybe I did?...
...I was drawn to the Angel mirror by a loving, sweet presence. When I stood before it, I saw all of my angels next to me. I SAW MY MOTHER AND SISTER ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE VEIL. I HEARD FAMILIAR VOICES TELLING ME TO BE STRONG. ASSURING ME THAT I AM NOT NOR HAVE I EVER BEEN ALONE ON MY JOURNEY...
...I ENTERED INTO THIS MIRROR LIKE I WAS GOING HOME...
...I DESIRE TO REACH THE PINNACLE OF MY LIFE TO STAND IN THAT LIGHT FOREVER...
...As I stood before the mirror in my sunny room, I saw THE WOMAN WHO IS NOW.
